iKKi's Interest...

Relationship Jokes

Men vs Women

1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, theywill call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionatelyrefer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throwin $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anythingsmaller and none will actually admit they want change back.When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The averagenumber of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A manwould not be able to identify most of these items.
5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6. CATS
Women love cats.Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kickcats.
7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife canspend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. Aman marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty thegarbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A manwill dress up for weddings and funerals.
11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knowsabout dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods,secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of someshort people living in the house.
13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in twopeople remembering the same thing.
AND FINALLY.....
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying aword. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither ofthem wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard ofmules and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?""Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Half Sisters

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives only a street away and her name is Susan Hoffman." After dinner, George's dad took him aside and said, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, and she's a wonderful wife and mother, but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I fooled around with other women a lot. Susan Hoffman is actually your half sister, so I'm afraid you can't marry her." George was brokenhearted.

After eight months, he started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June." Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news: "Diane is your half sister too, George. I'm awfully sorry about this." George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister." "Hah," his mother chuckled, shaking her head, "Don't pay any attention to what he says. He's not really your father!"

Divorce News

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone, too, and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do we tell them for Christmas?"

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