Daily Jokes Part Two | iKKi's Interest...

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Daily Jokes Part Two

First Joke:

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order. "

The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you,your honour, I'll have a scotch and soda."
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Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
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Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Sit down, sir, we serve anyone.
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Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?
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Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes Sir, they are not very good swimmers.
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Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right, Sir, he won't drink much.

Second Joke:

A guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school. Unfortunately, he still has to share a room with his younger brother whois only 9 years old.

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun. They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top bunk.

As you might expect things start to heat up. The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend towhisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if she wants a new position.

Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!

She screams.
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Whoa!!!PULL IT OUT!!!PULL IT OUT NOW!!!I can't get pregnant!

Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over my face!

Third Joke:

A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,"How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch. The boy says, "I can't . I sold my baseball and my glove."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh** again".

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