Your Double Dose of Jokes
First Prize
A little boy took his dog on a "take your pet to school" day. There were prizes for the smallest, the prettiest, the cutest, and the smartest pet.
Determined that his dog win a prize, the boy put his pet through a whole series of tricks.
Finally the boy turned to the dog and asked, "Mindy, how much is two plus two minus four?"
The dog sat quietly, making no sound, remaining still and silent. "Right!" exclaimed the boy.
His dog won first prize.
No leak
That's not a leak, my car's just marking its territory!
Friendly Bears
On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, “Are there any friendly bears listening?”
After a moment, another voice replied, “Yes, I'm a friendly bear,” and then another voice, “I'm a friendly bear too!”
At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on a radio link.
When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a small voice said, “You're not a very friendly bear, are you?”
More Good Advice From Kids
"Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time." - Kyoyo, age 11
"You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk." -Amir, age 9
"Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts." -Kellie, age 11
"If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse." -Naomi, age 15
"Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick." -Lauren, age 9
"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat." -Joel, age 10
"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she's on the phone." -Alyesha, age 13
"Never try to baptize a cat." -Eileen, age 8
12-mile march
I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan and one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek. An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come.
“Men,” our sergeant yelled, “You're doing a FINE job. We've already covered four miles!”
Revitalized, we picked up the pace.
“And,” continued Sarge, “we should reach the starting point any minute now.”
Tight Shoes
A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes.
"How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
"Well, they feel a bit tight." replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the mans feet.
"Try pulling out on the tongue." offers the clerk.
"Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." He says.
Dad, can you write in the dark?
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What is 2 * 2 ?
Several scientists were all posed the following question: "What is 2 * 2 ?"
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces "3.99".
The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces "it lies between 3.98 and 4.02".
The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: "I don't know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!".
Philosopher smiles: "But what do you mean by 2 * 2 ?"
Logician replies: "Please define 2 * 2 more precisely."
The sociologist: "I don't know, but is was nice talking about it".
Behavioral Ecologist: "A polygamous mating system".
Medical Student : "4"
All others looking astonished : "How did you know?"
Medical Student : "I memorized it."
Technorati Tags: Your Double Dose of Jokes , Jokes
A little boy took his dog on a "take your pet to school" day. There were prizes for the smallest, the prettiest, the cutest, and the smartest pet.
Determined that his dog win a prize, the boy put his pet through a whole series of tricks.
Finally the boy turned to the dog and asked, "Mindy, how much is two plus two minus four?"
The dog sat quietly, making no sound, remaining still and silent. "Right!" exclaimed the boy.
His dog won first prize.
No leak
That's not a leak, my car's just marking its territory!
Friendly Bears
On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, “Are there any friendly bears listening?”
After a moment, another voice replied, “Yes, I'm a friendly bear,” and then another voice, “I'm a friendly bear too!”
At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on a radio link.
When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a small voice said, “You're not a very friendly bear, are you?”
More Good Advice From Kids
"Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time." - Kyoyo, age 11
"You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk." -Amir, age 9
"Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts." -Kellie, age 11
"If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse." -Naomi, age 15
"Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick." -Lauren, age 9
"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat." -Joel, age 10
"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she's on the phone." -Alyesha, age 13
"Never try to baptize a cat." -Eileen, age 8
12-mile march
I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan and one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek. An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come.
“Men,” our sergeant yelled, “You're doing a FINE job. We've already covered four miles!”
Revitalized, we picked up the pace.
“And,” continued Sarge, “we should reach the starting point any minute now.”
Tight Shoes
A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes.
"How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
"Well, they feel a bit tight." replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the mans feet.
"Try pulling out on the tongue." offers the clerk.
"Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." He says.
Dad, can you write in the dark?
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What is 2 * 2 ?
Several scientists were all posed the following question: "What is 2 * 2 ?"
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces "3.99".
The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces "it lies between 3.98 and 4.02".
The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: "I don't know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!".
Philosopher smiles: "But what do you mean by 2 * 2 ?"
Logician replies: "Please define 2 * 2 more precisely."
The sociologist: "I don't know, but is was nice talking about it".
Behavioral Ecologist: "A polygamous mating system".
Medical Student : "4"
All others looking astonished : "How did you know?"
Medical Student : "I memorized it."
Technorati Tags: Your Double Dose of Jokes , Jokes
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