Double Laughter
White cheese or yellow
My brother Sean stopped by a sandwich shop one afternoon and placed his order with the girl at the counter. She rattled off a list of condiments, but he stopped her when she asked if he wanted white cheese or yellow.
"What's the difference?" Sean asked.
"Hello?" replied the girl, sighing and rolling her eyes. "The COLOR is different!"
Good Advice From Kids
"Never trust a dog to watch your food." -Patrick, age 10
"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' Don't answer." -Hannah, age 9
Never tell your Mom her diet's not working." -Michael, age 14
"Stay away from prunes." -Randy, age 9
"Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to." -Emily, age 10
"When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair." -Taylia, age 11
"Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment." -Traci, age 14
"A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac." - Andrew, age 9
Tech Support
One of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national pager company. There, he deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people.
The best call came from Bubba, who repeatedly complained that he keeps being paged by "Lucille."
He was instructed that he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him.
"She don't never leave no number, so I can't call her back," he said.
After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a number.
"She leaves her name," was the reply.
After establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager, the light bulb came on.
"How does she spell her name?" the service rep asked.
"L-O-W C-E-L-L"
Another technical problem solved.
Can I Help?
One summer evening a young son came in while his parents were setting the table for supper. Quite surprisingly, he asked if he could help.
His mother said, "No, but I appreciate you asking."
The child responded, "Well, I appreciate you saying no."
Cuff Links
The computer company, where my wife works, distributed a corporate-clothing catalogue that included a pair of cuff links. One was inscribed Ctrl (Control) and the other Esc (Escape), just as they look on a computer keyboard.
"They would make a good present for any man," my wife commented to a colleague, "if only to remind him of the two things he can never have."
Kiddie Quickies
My friend asked our grandson when he would turn 6. He replied, "When I'm tired of being 5."
********************
Seeing her first hailstorm, Mary Sue, age 3, exclaimed, "Mommy, it's raining dumplings!"
********************
Announcing to daughter Lori that her aunt just had a baby and it looked like her uncle, she said, "You mean he has a mustache?"
You looked a lot like my wife
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
Marriage Math
I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
Technorati Tags: Jokes , Humor , Double Laughter
My brother Sean stopped by a sandwich shop one afternoon and placed his order with the girl at the counter. She rattled off a list of condiments, but he stopped her when she asked if he wanted white cheese or yellow.
"What's the difference?" Sean asked.
"Hello?" replied the girl, sighing and rolling her eyes. "The COLOR is different!"
Good Advice From Kids
"Never trust a dog to watch your food." -Patrick, age 10
"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' Don't answer." -Hannah, age 9
Never tell your Mom her diet's not working." -Michael, age 14
"Stay away from prunes." -Randy, age 9
"Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to." -Emily, age 10
"When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair." -Taylia, age 11
"Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment." -Traci, age 14
"A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac." - Andrew, age 9
Tech Support
One of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national pager company. There, he deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people.
The best call came from Bubba, who repeatedly complained that he keeps being paged by "Lucille."
He was instructed that he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him.
"She don't never leave no number, so I can't call her back," he said.
After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a number.
"She leaves her name," was the reply.
After establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager, the light bulb came on.
"How does she spell her name?" the service rep asked.
"L-O-W C-E-L-L"
Another technical problem solved.
Can I Help?
One summer evening a young son came in while his parents were setting the table for supper. Quite surprisingly, he asked if he could help.
His mother said, "No, but I appreciate you asking."
The child responded, "Well, I appreciate you saying no."
Cuff Links
The computer company, where my wife works, distributed a corporate-clothing catalogue that included a pair of cuff links. One was inscribed Ctrl (Control) and the other Esc (Escape), just as they look on a computer keyboard.
"They would make a good present for any man," my wife commented to a colleague, "if only to remind him of the two things he can never have."
Kiddie Quickies
My friend asked our grandson when he would turn 6. He replied, "When I'm tired of being 5."
********************
Seeing her first hailstorm, Mary Sue, age 3, exclaimed, "Mommy, it's raining dumplings!"
********************
Announcing to daughter Lori that her aunt just had a baby and it looked like her uncle, she said, "You mean he has a mustache?"
You looked a lot like my wife
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
Marriage Math
I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
Technorati Tags: Jokes , Humor , Double Laughter
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