Another Jokes For You Today
5th Grade!!!
First-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her
students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in third-grade too!" The
teacher had enough. She took Harry to the Principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.
Principal : "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry : "9"
Principal : "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry : "36"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a
third-grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade." The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.
Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Harry: "Legs"
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)
Harry: "Pockets".
Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open really wide
and before he could stop the answer....)
Harry: "Coconut"
Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and
sticky?"
Harry: "Bubblegum"
Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting
down and a dog do on three legs?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and
before he could stop the answer...)
Harry: "Shake hands".
Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?"
Harry: "Yup"
Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to
get me up.
I get wet before you do."
Harry: "Tent"
Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're
bored. The best man always has me first." (Principal was looking restless and a bit tense)
Harry: "Wedding Ring"
Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip.
When you blow me, you feel good."
Harry: "Nose"
Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come
with a quiver."
Harry: "Arrow"
Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that
means a lot of excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,
"Put this ass in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."
The Perfect Couple
Once: upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a
perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together
was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect
couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they
noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect
couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge
bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of
Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their
vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect
couple; and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the
accident.
Question: Who was the survivor?
(Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it.)
Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really
existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and
there is no such thing as a perfect man.
**** Women stop reading here, this is the end of the joke.
**** Men keep scrolling.
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have
been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
Men Keep scrolling
By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this
illustrates another point: Women never listen.
Army Pianos
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
If I had known
A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police
cruiser pulled her over and walked up to the car. The police officer also
happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally
said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on
it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small
rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and
said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde
policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and
said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer
too, we could have avoided all this hassle."
Technorati Tags: Jokes
First-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her
students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in third-grade too!" The
teacher had enough. She took Harry to the Principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.
Principal : "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry : "9"
Principal : "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry : "36"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a
third-grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade." The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.
Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Harry: "Legs"
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)
Harry: "Pockets".
Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open really wide
and before he could stop the answer....)
Harry: "Coconut"
Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and
sticky?"
Harry: "Bubblegum"
Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting
down and a dog do on three legs?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and
before he could stop the answer...)
Harry: "Shake hands".
Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?"
Harry: "Yup"
Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to
get me up.
I get wet before you do."
Harry: "Tent"
Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're
bored. The best man always has me first." (Principal was looking restless and a bit tense)
Harry: "Wedding Ring"
Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip.
When you blow me, you feel good."
Harry: "Nose"
Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come
with a quiver."
Harry: "Arrow"
Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that
means a lot of excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,
"Put this ass in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."
The Perfect Couple
Once: upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a
perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together
was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect
couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they
noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect
couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge
bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of
Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their
vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect
couple; and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the
accident.
Question: Who was the survivor?
(Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it.)
Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really
existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and
there is no such thing as a perfect man.
**** Women stop reading here, this is the end of the joke.
**** Men keep scrolling.
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have
been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
Men Keep scrolling
By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this
illustrates another point: Women never listen.
Army Pianos
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
If I had known
A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police
cruiser pulled her over and walked up to the car. The police officer also
happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally
said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on
it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small
rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and
said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde
policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and
said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer
too, we could have avoided all this hassle."
Technorati Tags: Jokes
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